Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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