he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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