Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
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everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
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Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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