The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
