I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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