Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
