i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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