I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
