tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
