Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
