my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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