I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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