Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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