So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He kissed a someone with a penis
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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