i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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