I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
