She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
