i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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