know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
