I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
