i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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