I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
