The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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