Already got asked if we're dating
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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