just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
