Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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