just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
