I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Gay?
German.
Pity.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
