Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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