After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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