Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
