just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
