dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
