Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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