well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
