omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
