You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
