you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
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Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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