...so i touched it.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
