I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
