Texts From Last Night

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  (509): View more from Washington

  so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week

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  (509): so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week http://tfl.nu/b2p9
  Replies (25) Good night (5058) Bad night (702)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  clearly you are not from wisconsin

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  (763): dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve (608): clearly you are not from wisconsin http://tfl.nu/j6wr
  Replies (104) Good night (7734) Bad night (896)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia

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  (978): I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia http://tfl.nu/pfmm
  Replies (9) Good night (4647) Bad night (919)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  this is something i pride myself on being below average for

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  (920): this is something i pride myself on being below average for http://tfl.nu/tsy8
  Replies (7) Good night (2528) Bad night (1274)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.

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  (402): my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen. http://tfl.nu/06g9
  Replies (2) Good night (4069) Bad night (1222)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover

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  (763): i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover http://tfl.nu/a65k
  Replies (13) Good night (2828) Bad night (1161)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob

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  (330): My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob http://tfl.nu/j762
  Replies (19) Good night (4570) Bad night (1369)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.

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  (401): Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since. http://tfl.nu/058n
  Replies (7) Good night (1351) Bad night (4825)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.

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  (862): Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea. http://tfl.nu/cd70
  Replies (2) Good night (2611) Bad night (1198)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

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  (647): I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. http://tfl.nu/kla9
  Replies (3) Good night (1737) Bad night (692)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?

  (1-319): View more from Iowa

  Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Thanks bro

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  (319): Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement? (1-319): Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice. (319): Thanks bro http://tfl.nu/7e10
  Replies (9) Good night (922) Bad night (1637)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.

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  (706): The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina. http://tfl.nu/6jcd
  Replies (10) Good night (2358) Bad night (622)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all

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  (434): It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all http://tfl.nu/veuh
  Replies (0) Good night (625) Bad night (291)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!

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  (404): I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto! http://tfl.nu/mgcq
  Replies (3) Good night (408) Bad night (913)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Found the cure to anxiety attacks.

  (425): View more from Washington

  An orgasm

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  (425): Found the cure to anxiety attacks. (425): An orgasm http://tfl.nu/ydc6
  Replies (3) Good night (899) Bad night (161)

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