Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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