its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
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