so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
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Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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