Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Terrible idea I love it
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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