Too much gin, very little bucket
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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