a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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