i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
How external is "for external use only"?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
