I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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