so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
