I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
