so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I woke up under a house in Key West
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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