Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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