just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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