how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
