He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I will pee on everything he values.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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