Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
