Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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