...so i touched it.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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