wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I am mentally ready for anal.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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