just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
