You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Welp...herpes.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
