The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
