you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
