I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
